no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
