Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
