the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
