I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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