Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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