Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
