and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
