i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
