This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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