I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
whose parrot is this?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
