Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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