I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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