Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
