I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
