Yo dont text me then not text me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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