I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
