I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
