the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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