cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
