Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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