Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
