It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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