I want to stick my p in your. b.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
