idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
