Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
