don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
