There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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