my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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