i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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