I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
