last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
