apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
