I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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