Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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