yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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