I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
