ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
