So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
