I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
