Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
