I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
