fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
