oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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