Where is the hickey?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
