Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
