I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
