Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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