her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
