Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
