My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
