i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
