if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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