It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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